Musings and rants about politics and geekery with a distinct Chicago flavor.
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“All other trademarks are the property of the respective trademark owners.”
WELL.
Glad they cleared that up.
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“Motion to Dismiss: The Constitutionality of F—k.”
Rep. Mary Bono, whose legislative efforts I normally detest, has introduced a bill that would require that spyware tell you it’s spyware and get your permission before installing itself on your machine.
Computer minus Windows plus small claims court = $199 refund check.
One of coolest Flash movies I’ve seen in a while.
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Calvin’s Dad: “Halcyonity is retroactive.”
Never underestimate the humorous effect of putting slightly cute yet perverted footage to an old ’80s (or ’70s?) love ballad.
Texas Democrats are again fleeing the state to avoid a quorum. No, it doesn’t precisely make them look good. But evidently, Texas Republicans have taken a real “f–k you” attitude towards them, and this is the only way the Democratic contingent can wield any force. It’s interesting to watch, I’ll say that.
I really wish they hadn’t taken a photograph to accompany this story. *shudder*
NYC Mayor Bloomberg tells the Imperial Acrobats of China that New York is too poor to pay someone to write them an official letter of greeting. In the meantime, how much did it cost to pay people to answer press inquiries about why NYC is supposedly too poor to pay someone to write the Imperial Acrobats of China an official letter of greeting?
Don’t you love it when dictionaries get their facts completely wrong?
The age of instant text messaging brings an unexpected unpleasantry to Malaysian courts …
What killed me about this comic wasn’t the initial punchline, but the titles for the sequels … they were so spot-on. 
An online edition of 112 Gripes About the French, a pamphlet authored in 1945 by the ‘Information & Education Division’ of the U.S. Occupation Forces. A bit fascinating to see the origin of certain stereotypes originated, and how little these prejudices have changed …
An editorial on Michael Moore. You’d think I’d be for Moore, and I used to. But I’ve found that he’s so light and easy with the truth, he does a lot of damage to the credibility of the viewpoints he tries to espouse.
The Saturday morning cartoon schedule from the fall of 1974, which included such gems as an animated I Dream of Jeannie that featured a surfer-dude master, and Patridge Family 2200 A.D..
And, saving the best for last …
BuyMusic.Com opened up about a week ago. They wrote commercials that were very obviously plagiarized from Apple’s, and limited even viewing their website to only users of MSIE6 on Windows boxes (if you run something else, you can’t view it, period), and basically, well, just screwed everything up. And the result, so far, is nothing but purely negative and p.o.’d buzz from their customers. So, on behalf of everyone offended by their attitude, BuyMusic.Com, may I just say: [taunting singsong] “ha, ha ha, ha haaaaa haaaaa”!
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Damn!
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Yipes.
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What would you do if you were the head of the Department of Homeland Security? Some interesting reading.
The RIAA has now sued hundreds if not thousands of its customers, and their families as well. At this point, they should queue the cartoonish evil villain laugh. Unfortunately, the RIAA for all intents and purposes is a monopoly, and so they can do what they like, because they don’t have to fear for their profits. People have become too governed by inertia; they’re not going to migrate en masse to individual artists.
Is Google evil? I don’t believe so, but these people do bring up some concerns that might indeed be valid. It is a valid point that Google’s popularity has given it immense power over the Internet. Some people have crafted excellent responses to his concerns, too.
An interview with the intellectual property attorneys at the Department of Justice. Yes, I know, you’re thinking BIG YAWN. But considering these are the people involved with the DMCA and so on, and the questions were well-crafted, it’s actually a bit interesting.
A Bristol comedian broke his leg during his routine, and kept passing out. The audience thought it was part of the shtick, until the paramedics showed up.
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From today’s Movie Answer Man column by Roger Ebert:
Q. Watching “Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas,” I couldn’t help noticing that the setting is in mythological Greece. As I recall, the original Sinbad story takes place in the Arabian world. Is Sinbad an Arabian, or Greek? I really don’t see a reason for the filmmaker to consciously alter the story to avoid the Arab culture.
Eiyo Baba, Honolulu, Hawaii
A. According to my Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Sinbad is a character in The Arabian Nights, where he is described as a wealthy citizen of Baghdad. Why did they make him Greek? Do the math.
Ping-Pong + Live Action + Mimes + Matrix = link.
Food for thought — even though I question our being over there, and question our President, this is still something to think about hard.
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“The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.” — US Code, Title 4, Chapter 1, Sec. 8 (g)
Wish our President knew that.
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Morning News: “With its credibility in the weeds, the White House must find a way to restore its public image before the next election. Veteran reporter Joshua Allen gives us a priviliged glimpse into what’s being planned.”
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Read this.
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The legislation that approved Texas’ annexation into the United States actually called for it to be divided into four separate states.
Thomas Leavitt: “Locally, the city of Santa Cruz has passed regulations that prohibit political tablers from remaining in one location for more than 60 minutes at a time (you must move at least 100 feet and not return to the same location for 24 hours), and actually arrested people for violating these (as well as a variety of other obnoxious rules and regulations which the police selectively enforce against activists that annoy them and poor people whose aesthetics displease them).”
What do you have to do to earn a visit from the FBI? “Any reading material? Papers? Maybe a printout of some kind? Do you still have the article?” After ‘catching’ him reading an article called “Weapons of Mass Stupidity,” someone called the FBI on Marc Schultz. Read about their visit.
Fess up. Last time you read The Far Side, you thought to yourself, “There really needs to be a Christian version of this comic,” didn’t you?
New York Times: “Mr. Gates said the company was considering the possibility of charging for some of its software updates that are now made available free over the Internet.” Smart man: make the computers prone to being sick, and then charge for the cures.
This actually sounds rather cool … an edible natural fruit wrap to replace baggies.
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You know this polar bear is just thinking to itself right now, “What the f—k happened to my fur?!?!?”
New England had an earthquake in 1755. It had an aftershock 248 years later … yesterday morning.
Zay L. Smith: “An upcoming documentary will report that President Bush likes to entertain friends with his imitation of the ‘Austin Powers’ villain, Dr. Evil.”
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We’re gonna lose the banana.
All the ducks are swimming in the water …
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An editorial about why it’s kind of idiotic for Apple to be incorporating an all-metal interface into Panther.
Q: Why didn’t the kids see the new ‘Pirates of the Carribean’ movie?
A: Because it was rated “ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”!
Wired News, Death is a Sloppy Business: “Martel Lewis knew her father was a special man, but she didn’t realize how unique he was until two months after his death. When Ricard Lewis’ death certificate arrived, his daughter noticed that the 83-year-old had been pregnant at the time of his demise. ”
Kind of cool headlines:
Aussie Star Counter Hits 70 Sextillion
Weekly pizzas reduce esophogeal and colon cancer
BuyMusic.Com launched today. It’s doing a very anti-Apple campaign. It’s also ripping off Apple’s own commercials. Check out the links offered here to watch the ads and read further explanation.
Justice Department investigation into complaints on Patriot Act: 1,073 complaints received. 34 deemed credible. Always good to have a calm and objective eye, Mr. Ashcroft.
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I find this really rather funny. (It’s not really kosher to call someone ‘gay’ as a derogatory term, though. But I like the Oscar Wilde guest appearance.)
What a morbid, ghastly, hilarious parody.
The new Sony Clies look really darn cool.
The Top 11 Signs your ISP has given you up to the RIAA as a dangerous KaZaA user.
I probably would have had absolutely no interest in seeing “Spiderman 2″ until I read the description of this scene.
Attencion! Attencion! Le mot ‘e-mail’ … non! Le mot ‘courriel’ … oui!
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John Gilmore was ejected from a British Airways flight on Friday simply because he was wearing a button that said “Suspected Terrorist.” During a post-ejection discussion with British Airways’ station manager for the airport, he asked what buttons would be allowed. “Hooray for Tony Blair” would work, evidently, while “Terrorism is Evil” wouldn’t (supposedly) have allowed him on.
Read the story in his own words.
I know, some of you are thinking, Well, that’s a pretty dumb-ass thing to do. He should have been kicked off. I think, however, that it really is a matter of freedom of speech. The ’suspected terrorist’ button is a political statement:
“I told her that it refers to all of us, everyone, being suspected of being terrorists, being searched without cause, being queued in lines and pens, forced to take our shoes off, to identify ourselves, to drink our own breast milk, to submit to indignities. Everyone is a suspected terrorist in today’s America, including all the innocent people, and that’s wrong. That’s what it means. The terrorists have won if we turn our country into an authoritarian theocracy ‘to defeat terrorism’. I suggested that British Airways had demonstrated that trend brilliantly today.”
(After all, think about it: would a terrorist actually wear a button that said, “Suspected Terrorist”?)
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It’s R- or even perhaps X-rated, but it also made me laugh my ass off. Here ya go.
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Have the courts totally forgotten that champerty is against the law?
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Microsoft Awarded Homeland Security Contract: “The five-year contract, which the new department announced Tuesday, establishes Microsoft as the primary technology provider to DHS and consolidates existing Microsoft contracts at the federal agencies that were incorporated into the new department.”
Microsoft warns of critical Windows flaw: “The software giant issued a patch Wednesday morning to plug a critical security hole that could allow an attacker to take control of computers running any version of Windows except for Windows ME.
Alanis Morrisette: “Isn’t it ironic … don’t you think?”
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Okay, I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU and proud to be one, but this was just a dumb-ass thing for them to do.
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I just wanted to blog a few links I’ve run across recently … get them out of my ‘to blog’ bin.
You never know what people are going to love watching. Such as a videotape currently on the market showing prairie dogs getting shot to death. For the budding sociopath market, I suppose.
Marvel has thankfully decided not to resurrect Princess Di as a mutant zombie.
In Omaha, Nebraska, cops let a mother know her son died by voice mail. Classsssy!
Wil Wheaton has become a rather talented writer, and it’s just nice to read the sheer gratitude and appreciation emanating from this entry in his blog, about his very first author signing.
Sun-Times columnist Zay Smith and I think very much alike, which is why a lot of his tidbits/commentary make it in here:
News Item: Cato Institute announces it will publish the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence in Spanish because of the increasing number of “non-English-speaking citizens” and to help them “realize the American dream.”
Kids, go find grandpa and ask him about the time when the American dream required people to take the trouble to learn the language.
A friend recently forwarded me a Times article by Brian Lowry called “Giving the Emmys a Needed Face-Lift,” proposing humorous new Emmy categories. This one particularly gave me a chuckle:
Best Wife Who’s Too Good-looking for Her Sitcom Husband
Jim Belushi (”According to Jim”), Larry David (”Curb Your Enthusiasm”), George Lopez (”George Lopez”), Bernie Mac (”The Bernie Mac Show”), Kevin James (”The King of Queens”), and Mark Addy (”Still Standing”) are funny guys (all right, at least four of them are), but respectively, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Cheryl Hines, Constance Marie, Kellita Smith, Leah Remini, and Jami Gertz? Unless their characters pull in TV executive pay, get outta here.
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I really got a chuckle out of today’s “Calvin & Hobbes” strip.
From today’s Quick Takes:
Playing the game
News Item: “President Bush gave CIA Director George Tenet a vote of confidence Saturday, a day after the director acknowledged mistakes in the handling of intelligence reports that Iraq had pursued nuclear materials in Africa.”
From the modern politics playbook: Pass the buck to someone else, let the someone else hang out to dry for a day or so and then, in a loyal and statesmanlike gesture, stand up for him.
Ain’t that the truth!
Interesting pix over at APOD. (That’s all the satellites you’re seeing … and that’s the International Space Station it’s zooming in on.)
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In case you’d like to know what got professional asshole Michael Savage fired from his MSNBC show The Savage Truth, here’s the exact text, as ugly as it could be:
SAVAGE: So you’re one of those sodomists. Are you a sodomite?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I am.
SAVAGE: Oh, you’re one of the sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How’s that? Why don’t you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to put me down, you piece of garbage. You have got nothing to do today, go eat a sausage and choke on it. Get trichinosis.
OK, do we have another nice caller here who’s busy because he didn’t have a nice night in the bathhouse who’s angry at me today? Get me another one, put another sodomite on. No more calls out of– let’s go to the next scene. I don’t care about these bums. They mean nothing to me. They’re all sausages. Next scene; onto the next scene on the Savage Nation.
Not fun to read, no. But bigotry is not really fun to read. Or see, for that matter.
Thank you, Bob Foster! You’ve done the human race a true service!
I love Savage’s attempt to smooth it all over on his website:
“If my comments brought pain to anyone I certainly did not intend for this to happen and apologize for any such reaction.”
“It was not meant to reflect my views of the terrible tragedy and suffering associated with AIDS. I especially appeal to my many listeners in the gay community to accept my apologies for any inadvertent insults which may have occurred.”
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, Mike. Everyone reaaaaaly believes you.
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Man with artificial leg electrocuted while urinating.
MSNBC fires Michael Savage.
House of Representatives passes act to limit TIA powers.
“Factually inaccurate assertions by the Department of Justice … that mischaracterize the scope, potential impact and likely harm of the now-notorious USA PATRIOT Act.”
Bigger than Watergate, they say. But they’re so self-aggrandizing in their messages, my skepticism meter is going off. I’ll have to give it a closer read.
Christopher Walken as Willy Wonka? Scary.
“Coke can not the real thing: Case of Bud contained one Diet Coke — or so it seemed.”
This is damn funny.
American Idol Clay Aiken fans petition the FCC to audit the voting. Being prone to moments of strong fandom, I’m hesitant to say this, but, hell, it needs to be said … guys, get a life. (FOIA is perhaps the most fun piece of American legislation ever to come along, isn’t it?)
Rumsfeld announces, “Oops, our continued presence in Iraq won’t cost $2 billion a month. It’ll cost about double that: $3.9 billion per month.” And it’s $900-950 million per month for our Afghanistan operations, the same conference revealed. So $3.9 + $0.95 = $4.85 billion per month, $58.2 billion per year.
That’s, just to put all the zeros out:
$58,200,000,000.00.
Simon, Funky … heal up soon, boys.
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This is a rather humorous lesson in generalizations, extremism, and painting people in broad strokes with the same paintbrush. Needless to say, I really don’t believe in any of this. I think this is really of value more because it points out the common generalizations used by both sides against each other.
You might be a Republican if …
- You’re a pro-lifer but support the death penalty.
- You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
- You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches?”
- You don’t think The Simpsons is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
- You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”
- You use any of these terms to describe your wife: old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit.
- You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”
- You argue that you need 300 handguns in case a bear ever attacks your home.
- Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
- You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
- You’ve ever referred to Anita Hill as “that lying $#@%!” while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
- You’ve ever called education a luxury.
- You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
- You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.
- You’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts “a bunch of pornographers.”
- You think all artists are gay.
You might be a Democrat if …
- You believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
- You believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
- You believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth’s climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
- You believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
- You believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
- You believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.
- You believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
- You believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
- You believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
- You believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
- You believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
- You believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.
- You believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
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Submitted to the Sun-Times as a letter to the editor:
With Money, Not Words
President Bush cut himself a very military image as he padded across the deck of the U.S.S. Lincoln in a flight suit from the S-3B he landed in, but our soldiers’ Commander-in-Chief is all style and no substance. Bush recently called our Armed Forces “brave” and “courageous”, and thanked them for their “honor”, “dedication”, and “prowess”. He did this while advocating a cut in soldiers’ monthly imminent-danger pay (from $225 to $150), and in their family-separation allowance (from $250 to $100). He also came out against a proposal to double the $6,000 gratuity paid to families of soldiers who die on active duty. This position is especially shameful from a man who, as a lieutenant in the Texas Air National Guard, was AWOL from his own military service from May ‘72 to April ‘73. This, above all, is the most honorable way that taxpayers’ money can be spent: ensuring the welfare of those who fight in defense of this country, and taking care of their families in the event of their death.
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Cops broke up a September 11 fundraiser. Nothin’ like letting the power go to your heads, boys.
Firefighter George Johnson, the man on the left in the famed photo of three firefighters raising the American flag at Ground Zero, said he’ll be there.
He said that during the July 4 raid, a woman showed cops a picture of her son, who died at Ground Zero. “She said, ‘This is a party in the name of my son. You should be ashamed of yourselves,’ and they went right on doing what they were doing.”
Stephen Hawking visited a strip club. That sounds like the lead-in to a bad joke, doesn’t it?
Those Iranian conjoined twins died. Evidently, they didn’t have to:
But Ladan’s new vein became congested, and surgeons Monday night considered wheter to call off the rest of the operation and leave the twins joined or “continue with final stage of the surgery, which we knew would be very, very risky,” Loo said.
“The team wanted to know once again what were the wishes of Ladan and Laleh,” Loo said. “We were told that Ladan and Laleh’s wishes were to be separated under all circumstances.”
They were 29. I’m 28. One wanted to be a lawyer, the other a journalist.
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Heh. Activision is suing Viacom because Star Trek sucks. Seriously! (Also see this strip for an even more humorous take on the matter.)
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Michael Crawford: “President Bush has selected six prisoners from the war in Afghanistan to stand trial in secret ‘military tribunals’, at which they may face the death penalty. One of the hallmarks of our justice system is the requirement that the accused must be permitted to confront the witnesses against them. Yet, when classified evidence is presented in these ‘tribunals’, the proceedings will be closed to the defendants and their civilian attorneys. They will be allowed military attorneys who will be permitted to participate in the classified sessions, but these will be appointed United States military officers, who can hardly be expected to be representing the interests of the accused.”
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This is a horrible story.
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This is a very interesting read. It actually makes me appreciate “The Matrix Reloaded” a great deal more than I had at first.
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Comedian Jeffrey Ross on his friend, Buddy Hackett: “Even if he [was] being blue, or even if he was being silly, he did it with dignity. He didn’t like pranks and things that embarrassed people. He was really not into all these pranks and reality shows and stuff that sort of exposed people in a way that they didn’t want to be. He would never do anything like that. He taught me that concept of being dignified and still being funny.” (New York Observer, July 7)
Recently, conservative columnist Ann Coulter came out with a book entitled Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism, in which she pretty much accuses liberals of eating children. You think I’m kidding, but at this point, I would honestly not be surprised if that came up in a future tome of hers. She’s that crazy with hatred.
In any case, a mailing list that I’m on featured commentary that quoted James Madison’s views on treason in The Federalist No. 43, and I thought it would make an interesting counterpoint.
Jamie McCarthy writes:
As you noted a few months back, the Constitution not only clearly defines treason, it lays out strict conditions under which a conviction must be obtained, namely, two witnesses or a confession in open court. Treason consists of one of two types of crime, both being intentional acts of betrayal: “levying war,” or “adhering to [the United States'] enemies, giving them aid and comfort.”
To explain why such strict rules, Madison writes in The Federalist No. 43, complaining that, in other societies,
… new-fangled and artificial treasons have been the great engines by which violent factions, the natural offspring of free government, have usually wreaked their alternate malignity on each other …
Finally, to prove that those of a liberal bent can be idiots just as easily as conservatives can …
On November 12, 2002, Steve Hinkle, an undergraduate and a member of the Cal Poly College Republicans (CPCR), posted fliers advertising a speech by Mason Weaver, author of “It’s OK to Leave the Plantation.” In that book, Weaver argues that dependence on the government puts many African-Americans in circumstances similar to slavery. Weaver’s speech was sponsored by both CPCR and the student government. The flier contained merely the title of the book, a photograph of the author (who is African-American), and the time and location of the speech.
When Hinkle sought to post a flier on a public bulletin board in the Multicultural Center, several students approached him. They claimed that they were “offended” by the flier and that it was in violation of the Center’s posting policy. Hinkle left to check the policy, confirming that he was indeed in compliance. While he was gone, one of the students called the university police. The officer summoned to the Center stated in writing that he was investigating a report of “a suspicious white male passing out literature of an offensive racial nature.”
The students in the Multicultural Center admit trying to prevent Hinkle from advertising the event. Charges were brought not against these censors, however, but against Hinkle himself. On January 29, 2003, Cal Poly charged Hinkle with “disruption” of a “campus event.” The students who objected to the posting of the flier claimed that they were holding a Bible study dinner and meeting at the time of the incident. The university’s “finding of facts” notes that the Bible study group is not officially recognized, that the bulletin board is in a public “student lounge area,” and that no notice of any kind indicated that a meeting was underway at the time.
[...]
On March 12, Vice Provost W. David Conn found Hinkle guilty. Conn ordered Hinkle to write letters of apology to the offended students. The sentencing letter from Conn stated that the text of the apology would be subject to the approval of the Office of Judicial Affairs. The letter also warned that “there is no parameter or guarantee regarding the confidentiality of the letter [of apology]” and that “this decision is final.” Conn informed Hinkle that if he did not accept this punishment, he would face much stiffer penalties, up to expulsion.
I couldn’t help but let out a somewhat evil chuckle at this recent AP news story:
Associated Press
July 3, 2003
Lightning Strikes Preacher Who Asked For Sign
Forest, OH — Damage to a church in Forest, Ohio, is estimated at $20,000 after a preacher asked God for a sign.
A member of the First Baptist Church said a guest evangelist was preaching repentance and seeking a sign from God when lightning struck the steeple.
Ronnie Cheney called the incident “awesome, just awesome!”
Cheney said the lightning traveled through the microphone, blew out the sound system and enveloped the preacher, who wasn’t hurt.
Afterward, services resumed for about 20 minutes until the congregation realized the church was on fire. The building was evacuated.
Evidently, a lot of these famous “true stories” about the dangers of a particular vice … aren’t … including the most infamous Go Ask Alice.
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George W. Bush: “There are some who feel like that conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is: Bring them on. We have the force necessary to deal with the situation.”
Sen. Frank Lautenberg: “I am shaking my head in disbelief. When I served in the army in Europe during World War II, I never heard any military commander — let alone the commander in chief — invite enemies to attack U.S. troops.”
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