Musings and rants about politics and geekery with a distinct Chicago flavor.
Courtesy of my sister’s LJ, At the Rivendell Internet Cafe. What would happen if fictional characters suddenly gained access to the slash fanfic written about them? *chuckle*
PA ruled out “Pennsylvania: We’re old. We’re cranky. Deal with it.” as a state slogan.
Interesting news story:
You could call them the sympathetic robbers. At least one of them, anyway.
A 39-year-old woman told Wichita police that two men kicked in her back door in the 2400 block of North Prince around 5:30 a.m. Monday, pointed a gun at her and demanded money.
According to a police report, she told them she had just gotten out of the hospital and suffers from epilepsy. That prompted one of the robbers to tell the woman that he had a cousin with the same condition. That suspect then talked the other suspect into not robbing the woman, the report said.
Interesting: a timeline of the nation’s alert level. The nation’s “terror alert level” has never been on ‘Severe’ (red), ‘Guarded’ (blue), or ‘Low’ (green). We’ve always been either “elevated” (yellow) or “high” (orange). Of course, if we do go red, New Jersey’s announced that they’ll pretty much shut down the state.
Was Finding Nemo plagiarized? Well, let’s put it this way … as much as I admire Pixar, given past Disney behavior, it wouldn’t surprise me.
I’m not sure whether to be amused or not by this animated short. There’s one event it references in there which I really don’t think should be made light of. But at the same time, it is a bit funny to see one event set off this entire chain of things … and I loved the Titanic and Yellow Submarine references.
Clive & Cabbage: Alien Safari. Fun little comic. And Copper is just sweet. (Not sweet as in “sweeeeeeet” but sweet as in “endearing.”)
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I never knew that Harrison Ford said this about Daley ripping up Meigs Field:
“How does it feel to live in a city where the mayor tears up an airport? [I'm] furious. I don’t think I’ve been as angry about anything in a long time.” — Harrison Ford, actor and private pilot, to Sun-Times columnist Bill Zwecker.
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“The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’” — Robin Williams
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It’s amazing that these guys didn’t crash.
Donkey Konga!
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Fox goes high-brow as usual. *sigh*
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“When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. Well, they’re not laughing now.” — Bob Monkhouse
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I got to admit, this strikes me as a bit of a Nelsonesque “HA ha!”.
Google Print.
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On December 13, President Bush signed into law H.R. 2417, previously mentioned by Slashdot, into law, greatly expanding the authority of the PATRIOT Act. Various intelligence agencies no longer have to report to Congress on their more privacy-invading actions. Why was this not covered by any media? Perhaps because it was, conveniently, the same day that Saddam Hussein was captured. Or … really, was it? Hope we still have free elections next November.
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If you’re easily offended, you might not appreciate this — however, I found this clip humorous in very many waves. 
And, as far as I can tell, this is a legitimate Amazon listing … but I must just flat-out say … “What the hell?!?!?”
The Geek Hierarchy.
CNN: The United States government wants to speak with 13 passengers who didn’t show up for Air France flights. All of these passengers are on U.S. terrorist watch lists. One has a pilot’s license.
You can buy a Bellsouth pay phone for your home for $135. Kinda cool, actually.
An amusing read.
Silent Night: The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce, by Stanley Weintraub (link).
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A rather interesting trailer for “I, Robot,” in the form of a commercial for the NS-5, the “world’s first fully automated domestic assistant.” Cooly enough, though, the style of the mock advertisement seems to taken from old Apple commercials.
I hate to be unkind, but when I see this photograph of Strom Thurmond’s daughter, I only can think of these lyrics.
The Smithfield Packing Company donated 40 cases of pork chops, 50 cases each of roast beef, pastrami and corned beef, 118 cases of pork rib patties and more to a local food bank. Nice to hear about happy acts of corporate generosity every once in a while.
And here’s another good story: local women accidentally gets bag full of cash, instead of her order … and returns it.
Some pretty amazing images from the Hubble Space Telescope’s successor.
Watch armed guards break into a high school and aim guns with live ammo at children’s heads. Yes, the War on Drugs is just a real democratic thing, isn’t it? (If just clicking on that link doesn’t work, use your browser to copy the link to the clipboard, and then paste it into RealPlayer.)
Evidently, next year, not only are we going to have an absolutely incredibly bad “Garfield” movie, we’re also going to have an absolutely incredibly bad sequel to The Mask.
Someone, right when the Doom video game came out, did a comic book of it. It’s absolutely hilarious.
Someone took the plot of the Lord of the Rings and placed it to the tune of the Buffy musical episode “Once More, With Feeling.” Enjoy … “Once More, With Hobbits” …
Every single year
The same arrangement
Fireworks and food and beer
But this time I feel
A strange estrangement
Nothing here is real
My departure’s near
I don’t think he knows
But when I go
This will all be Frodo’s
‘Cause I’ve been going through the motions
Walking through the part
The open road is calling to my heart
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Heh. From today’s Quick Takes column in the Sun-Times:
News Item: “U.S. forces said they found Saddam Hussein, long-haired, bearded and bedraggled, in a hole on a farm near his hometown of Tikrit.”
Just retribution, pending the trial, is to turn him over to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.”
A.V. Phibes: “I just found out by way of a genealogist relation that President Bush is my 12th cousin 3 times removed.”
This has to be the most suggestive Sesame Street song I’ve ever heard.
I Want A Monster To Be My Friend
Words by Robert Pierce
Music by Sam Pottle
(c) 1975 Sesame Street, Inc. (ASCAP)
Some kids just love to play with dolls
or put on funny hats
and some make pets of birds and fish
and dogs and alley cats
That’s not the way I like to play
I’m tired of all these
I need a very special friend
Won’t you help me please?
I want a monster to be my playmate
I want a monster to be my friend
I want to get for my own pet
A real live monster who is not pretend
Oh, I want a monster to be my playmate
We’d soon become good friends because
Although they’re hairy and sometimes scary
They have such soft and furry paws
If I make friends with a friendly monster
I’d let him bounce me on his knee
I’d let him do whatever he wants to
Especially if he’s bigger than me
So, if you know a nice old monster
If you’ve a monster to recommend
Ooh, golly gee, please send him to me
I just can’t wait until then!
I want a monster
A real live monster
I want a monster
To be my friend!
Please be my friend!
Return of the King programmers designed CGI soldiers who could think for themselves. The soldiers promptly ran away. Heh.
How to tell if a Rolex is real.
Okay, I’m a Dean fan. I even help out with the campaign. But this is just fuckin’ creepy.
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Creepy.
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This is gonna suck.
Saddam Captured While Playing Santa In Montana Mall.
And hey, before you rejoice about Saddam’s capture, let’s really not forget this footage and whom exactly put him there in the first place.
New York Times, December 10: “President Bush found himself in the awkward position on Wednesday of calling the leaders of France, Germany and Russia to ask them to forgive Iraq’s debts, just a day after the Pentagon said it was excluding those countries and others from $18 billion in American-financed Iraqi reconstruction projects.”
These are the most hilariously non-intentionally creepy Halloween costumes I’ve ever seen.
Google might be adopting a new look.
John Kerry and Dick Gephardt join together and put out a commercial attacking Dean. (You can watch the commercial on that page using Windows Media Player, if you want to form your own opinion.)
Despicable.
They can’t figure out how this works, but it’s pretty cool that it does.
Really, really, really, really damn cool.
IBM says to SCO as part of the discovery process, “We want you to produce code.” SCO says, “Sure.” They then print out the code on 1,000,000 pieces of paper and deliver it to IBM.
SCO and IBM have each filed several motions to try to compel the other side to release information. In a motion Wednesday, IBM criticized SCO for delivering source code to IBM that had been printed on 1 million sheets of paper.
“Knowing full well that IBM would need its source code in electronic form so that proper analyses–such as those SCO itself claims to have performed–could be conducted, SCO instead produced the source code on one million sheets of paper,” IBM said in the motion. “The only reason for SCO’s production of code on paper was, we believe, to stall the progress of these proceedings while giving the (false) impression of being forthcoming in its discovery responses.”
In response to IBM’s complaint, Stowell said, “If a company wants code, it’s the other party’s decision to provide that any way they feel like providing that.”
Sen. Graham (D-FL)’s Voter Verification Act. Very good little bill! Tell your Senators to endorse S. 1980 and your Representatives to endorse H.R. 2239!
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A good article on the history of Monty Python.
Yes, get the new hit CD that defeated Britney Spears on Billboard’s Top 10 … Ronald Reagan’s Greatest Laughs! *rolls eyes* (Wonder if this’ll be on there?)
Check out the very important work that Secretary of State Colin Powell did today. :-/
Eminem’s brother’s webpage. Oh, dear.
Coupons actually do have ‘cash value.’
These are very cute animated shorts.
Republicans: Let’s put Reagan on the dime! Who the fuck cares about FDR?
Nancy Reagan: Um, I do. So did Ronnie. Nuh-uh.
Or, more classily:
“I do not support this proposal, and I’m certain Ronnie would not. When our country chooses to honor a great president such as Franklin Roosevelt by placing his likeness on our currency, it would be wrong to remove him and replace him with another,” she said. “It is my hope that the proposed legislation will be withdrawn.”
Good commercial. (More info.)
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Clever.
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More from Sun-Times columnist Zay Smith:
News Item: Anti-smoking summonses to more than 200 New York City businesses for possession of ashtrays.
News Item: New York man issued summons for sitting on a milk crate in front of a store.
News Item: Man stopped and ticketed for noise pollution by New York police because his small child popped a balloon.
News Item: Pregnant New York woman fined $50 for sitting on subway steps.
News Item: Fine upheld of New York woman who rested an injured leg on an adjoining subway seat.
New York, New York, it’s a wonderful town!
Courtesy of Wesley Crusher himself, it’s the Wesley Saves the Day generator …
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I really chuckled when I read this one. How very true. “American Woman” and “Born in the U.S.A.” may somehow have weirdly obtained cult status as patriotic songs, but the lyrics show them as actually quite the couple of protest songs.
When given a single wish, the peasant tells the genie, “My neighbor Janov just got a new cow. It gives enough milk for his entire family, and he is finally prospering.” “So you would like a cow like that? or a couple?” the genie asks. “No, I want you to kill his cow.”
Thanks to Zay L. Smith: Results of a periodic Canadian Ministry of Consumer and Business Services inspections audit:
- Debt Collectors: 4,000 complaints and inquiries, 10 inspections.
- Auto Repair Shops: 2,000 complaints, six inspections.
- Adult Video Stores: Eight complaints, 1,600 inspections.
Heh.
This woman’s ego knows no bounds, evidently. You can purchase one of her CDs for $1,000.00. “This is how much music should be worth, if there is talent there. They are cheapening music and talent, by selling it like it is fried chicken at KFC.” And you can hire her to perform for $50,000.00. “I have to do everything alone, because alot of my music is very advanced. People are not working that hard.”
“Silent fish, holy fish / All is calm, all is fish … ”
If you lived through the 1980s, then you’ll enjoy Build Your Own Garbage Pail Kid ….
After reading this, I think I’ve developed a headache.
Chomp.
This shows how screwed up the United States patent system is …
One of the weirder FARK threads in a while.
Some truths from a very funny 404 page.
We can spare $87 billion for Iraq. We evidently cannot spare even a fraction of that to reopen the Statue of Liberty after having been closed for more than two years.
Common Sense for the New Century, by Gov. Howard Dean, M.D. A good document. Full of idealism and statements about what we can be. I like it. It’s why I go to Dean meetups every month.
Soylent Dean: “His campaign! It’s made out of … people!”
A criticizing history of McDonald’s.
I don’t find myself grossed out by films that often. However, the human body and someone who’s sniffing a lot has managed to do it, with these two videos.
Donald Rumsfeld, winner of the Foot in Mouth Award by the British Plain English Campaign, for: “Reports that say something hasn’t happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know, We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”
A very funny website about bootleg toys. This one is particularly funny.
Woulda been nice if Dubya had the class to have said something like this.
Roy Disney tells Eisner how Disney today is crap.
From the nut files of the FBI. Some of them are hilarious:
I had a visit yesterday from two gentlemen who said they were from the SECRET SERVICE! They were looking for the HAMBURGLAR who said the PRESIDENT might choke on a CHEESEBURGER on AIR FORCE ONE! No wonder they can’t balance a TRILLION DOLLAR BUDGET in DC, they have to check out all the MCDONALDS in AMERICA for the DEADLY CHEESEBURGER that might KILL the PRESIDENT! This is not a JOKE!
And some of them are freaky:
“Some files, however, are eerie in their seeming prescience or certainty: the poem from a young man that seems to hint at the massacre at Columbine High School, the anonymous caller offering impossible theories of a conspiracy involving the CIA who leaves a return phone number that connects to an internal CIA office number.”
Interesting news story about a hoarder, an organizational expert, and a judge …
Homophobia is evidently alive and well at Ernest Gallet Elementary School.
H.R. 3261 … another Constitution-killing, lobbyist-loving piece of shit legislation … 
A quite amusing piece recapping the Slashdotters’ negative (and entirely WRONG) reactions to the iPod.
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Guess Bush is going to get re-elected now. I swear to God, what a fricking moron …
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