25 Aug 05 Desires
The concept of desiring this bedbug infestation to go away and never come back focused me on my desires, and so I brainstormed for a bit … what do I really want to do with my life? What is in my soul, making me unhappy right now? Unsurprisingly, my desires deal with attractiveness, health, companionship, financial security, employment security, and material surroundings — much of what the human race as a whole desires, I imagine.
Attractiveness/Health: I would like to be at my ideal weight, with some muscle tone. I’ve never been one for heavy musculature; I just would like enough to handle most of what I need and want to do in daily life without complaining. I’d like to actually have a taste for some of the healthier foods in life, instead of the greasy messes I usually seem to gravitate to.
Companionship: I’ve had a pretty lonely life, to date. I’ve grown used to solitude, but it’s not the way I want to spend the rest of my life and, in fact, often makes me much more wistful than I’d rather be. I’ve never seemed to really develop the knack of developing romantic relationships with women, and I’m not sure exactly where the chemistry goes wrong. Yet ‘correcting’ such deficiencies is a lucrative industry for books and tutors, a field in which absolutely everyone in the world has advice, and it’s hard to locate the truth — or even truths, plural — amidst such an overwhelming flood of information.
Finances: I’d like to have money put aside for a ‘bedbug recurrence’ fund, a moving fund, and a safety reserve of, say, six months’ worth of expenses. I would like to wipe out every single drop of debt I owe to anyone; have a ticket and vacation package to Ireland; and have enough money for a brand new Apple laptop when they begin to roll out with the Intel chips.
Surroundings: I’d like to be in a new apartment building with a responsive and corporate management company, with modern kitchen conveniences (dishwasher, plenty of counter space), air conditioning, and a freight elevator. I want enough bookshelves, a new dresser, a new bed and boxspring — and absolutely no bedbugs ever again in my entire life, thank you very much!
Work: There’s a certain aspect of my job which I’ve seemingly been falling seriously behind in during my time there, although I’ve been making progress. I’d like it to just be done, thank you very much.
I suppose, then, that the secret now is to translate all of these into a ‘work plan’ of sorts, to get myself on the road to getting this accomplished. Something to devote mental brainpower to, I think; I’ll probably feel better about the bedbug situation once I feel that progress is being made in other areas of my life.
