14 Jul 06 Net Crap (7/14)

• “The White House flew in a special portable toilet to Vienna for Bush’s personal use during his visit. The Bush White House is so concerned about Bush’s security, the veil of secrecy extends over the president’s bodily excretions.”
  “In addition, Bush’s food was flown in from the United States and tested with special chemicals before he ate it. [...] The last frequent state visitor to Vienna, who always relied on a food tester, was Adolf Hitler.”
  (tags: weird funny whaddafuck neocon politics)
• “Every pixel in the illustration represents one person alive on Earth.”
  “The first one is you. The rest are everyone else.” Wow, way to make me feel just a TAD bit insignificant. Jeez Louise.
  (tags: holy_shit fascinating powerful amazing webtoy science)
• Urban Legends Reference Pages: Tapioca Time Bomb
  “‘It’s like a huge tapioca time bomb,’ said an incredulous fire chief today as he watched the smoldering 12,165-ton Cassarate at the Cardiff docks.”
  (tags: weird funny)
• “[E]veryone wants their personal favorite character to get elected prom queen every episode. And not only that, they have online petitions and probably clever rhyming slogans.”
  “What the Comic Strip Peanuts Would Be Like If Fandom Was Always Like This: 1957: Charlie Brown successfully kicks the football for the first time.”
  (tags: food4thought tv comics funny)
• Apple: Next iPod to Have Text-to-Speech
  “[A] patent lodged by the company in the United States makes clear the sixth generation of iPods will be able to convert those famous text menus into speech.”
  (tags: goodideas cool macintosh)
• Amazing Ad From A Bank You’ll Never Use
  (tags: cool video)
• Signs You Are Not My New Roommate
  (tags: funny)
• Londonist: “Phil, who has a degree in physics, said to me in a low voice that the metal detector was a ‘piece of shit that wouldn’t stop anyone’.”
  “Obviously, someone was listening, as all of a sudden, half a dozen policemen jumped on him and hustled him over to the corner of the tube station, where he was detained for about 20 minutes … “
  (tags: whaddafuck terrorism politics)
• 365 Tomorrows » Burn
  “The dead could have done something back in their time, but now it’s too late. They left us here on a world that’s broiling us. The Burn is the least we can do.”
  (tags: scifi cool)
• What the official Firefox 2.0 theme is gonna look like. Purdy!
  (tags: goodideas geekery firefox cool)
• Waiter Rant: Bad Concierge
  “I’ll be happy to seat your client at 9:30,” I counter. “That’s when I’ll have a nice table for your VIP.” “No,” Martin says, “That won’t do.” “Sorry.”
  (tags: funny)
• The Professor and The Grinch
  Some funny human interest stories from the Mac support trenches.
  (tags: funny macintosh)
• A hilarious 1980s commercial for one of the first car-racing games, Pole Position.
  “Hey, you look like a REAL JERK!” “Well, I am a corporate executive.”
  (tags: nostalgia games video funny)
• Jews for Jesus: “What’s Next for the iPod Guy?”
  Okay, weird, but in a bizarrely fun kind of way.
  (tags: whaddafuck weird funny religion macintosh)
• Boing Boing: Dude slips half a bomb past TSA workers at Houston airport
  “To sum up, a man had half a BOMB in his bag but was still allowed to fly. [...] the incident was in the morning briefing for every US airport …but not at Houston Hobby, where it happened.”
  (tags: holy_shit dumbass terrorism whaddafuck censorship)
• Plant see apple! Plant want to consume apple! Yum!
  (tags: photos funny macintosh)
• The Tetris Company LLC threatens a Mac OS X Tetris game.
  “While both Simon and I (Chris Wells) feel that Quinn does not violate any trademark or copyright law international or otherwise, we have decided to cease distribution while we explore our position and where we can go from here.”
  (tags: dumbass d’oh censorship)
• Wow, $115k for advising the BUSH WHITE HOUSE regarding ETHICS! I want HER JOB!
  (tags: whaddafuck neocon government politics funny)
• Think Progress » Justice Department Lawyer To Congress: ”The President is Always Right”
  Steven Bradbury, head of the Justice Department’s office of legal counsel, says, “The President is always right.” Oh, THAT’s comforting. As someone on Shakes Sis pointed out, “The Fuhrer is always right” was actually a fairly common phrased used …
  (tags: dumbass neocon horrible horrifying fascist politics whaddafuck)
• “Beenie Man calls for hanging lesbians with a long piece of rope in his lyrics, and TOK encourages the burning and killing of gay men.”
  “Trading in on the infamy of virulently anti-gay performers to rachet up awareness of a concert whose proceeds are meant in part to save lives in the LGBT community is, to put it lightly, bad form.”
  (tags: holy_shit whaddafuck homosexuality)
• Oh, yeah, my man Putin be talkin’ trash about your boy Cheney!
  Vladimir Putin: “I think the statements of your vice president of this sort are the same as an unsuccessful hunting shot.”
  (tags: politics hysterical you_go_boy)
• Sea Scouts Appeal Speech Ruling
  “The city revoked free berthing privileges for the Berkeley Sea Scouts because the Boy Scouts bar atheist and gay members, which violates the city’s 1997 policy to provide free berthing to nonprofits that don’t discriminate.”
  (tags: religion homosexuality)
• CNET News: Judge shows just how much he hates cell phones
  “[H]e became so enraged when a phone went off during court last week that he confronted the thoroughly embarrassed elderly cell owner and ordered her to hand over the offending device [...] then proceeded to hurl the handset out into the hallway.”
  (tags: weird government whaddafuck funny)
• “The Game & Watch series was a line of approximately 59 handheld electronic games made by Nintendo and created by Gunpei Yokoi from 1980 to 1991.”
  Oh, my God, I remember these!
  (tags: games cool nostalgia funny)
• Quick Change Artists on “America’s Got Talent”
  “This woman can literally change her clothes in like 2 secs. And she does it about 8-10 times!” Amazing video.
  (tags: cool video)
• “The company that leases the billboard believes vandals made the poster at home and then pasted it on top of the ad that’s supposed to be there. It shows Jesus holding a Budweiser in between the phrases ‘King of Jews’ and ‘King of Beers.’”
  Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …
  (tags: hysterical religion)
• More Ideas Than Time: The Future of .Mac - Free?
  “To make matters worse, a whole host of free services from great companies like google and 37signals and flickr have popped up. This left many people wondering why they should pay for a bunch of services that they could sort of get for free elsewhere.”
  (tags: geekery macintosh food4thought)
• The Register: Google erases Malta
  Hee hee hee hee hee.
  (tags: geekery funny)
• Crain’s Chicago Business: McD’s launches next strike in breakfast war – in Wrigleyville
  “Designed by ad agency Leo Burnett with the input of an engineer, the billboard features a real sundial whose shadow falls on a different breakfast item each hour until noon, when the shadow of the McDonald’s arches are dead center.”
  (tags: funny fascinating)
• “On July 1st, the community of Beloit, Wisconsin came together on the banks of the Rock River to recreate George Seurat’s ‘Sunday Afternoon on the Island of LaGrande Jatte’ — ‘Saturday in the Park with Friends’.”
  (tags: photos cool)
• An absolutely amazing hacker dream from a guy who’s in so much pain that he thinks his brain thought he was dying.
  (tags: fascinating tragic geekery cool)
• Howie Mandel’s “God or No God”
  “Is that a benevolent deity inside your briefcase or is Loki just happy to see you? The game show that’s got Americans clutching their prayer books, it’s God or No God with Howie Mandel! Atheists, watch out!”
  (tags: religion tv funny)
• On July 14th, one del.icio.us user will win $100. Enter this contest.
  “On July 14th at 3pm EST, I will randomly choose one del.icio.us user who bookmarked this page, and send him or her this check for $100, no strings attached.” Yeah, sure, I could use $100.
  (tags: fascinating funny)